I once asked a guy if he thought I was accessible. He had just finished helping me film a self tape, and he took the time for breaking down the studio equipment as an opportunity to try to kiss me. Now the attempt wasn’t the problem, the consistency however was. See even though I resisted the kiss, he continued his advance- hugging on me without permission, trying to kiss me more. Now the brotha was fine and he just couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t want to be involved with him physically. I had my reasons, but the fact of the matter was I didn’t want to kiss him or hug up on him or anything like that in that moment. As I pushed him off for what I hoped would be the final time I asked him, “Do you think I’m accessible?” He took a step back, examined the question and responded, “Yes.” Granted I gave him the word, but I couldn’t help but think that he just affirmed a 3 syllable word to call me easy.
Reminder, I wasn’t there for sex or even companionship even though we were companions and had an obvious attraction. I was there on business- to film a self tape for an audition. He was there to help me out as a friend and fellow actor. At what point did I become accessible? When I gave him my number? When we first hung out at the park? When I texted him for help on the audition? When I walked through the door? Was it my skin tight dress that happened to be in character? Was it something I said, my mannerisms, my demeanor, the way I looked at him?
Truthfully, the dude just needed to learn how to accept rejection and live on with his beautiful life. But there’s another truth: in reality, I was accessible, present, available to touch, sharing the same space at the same time. He didn’t have to fight for me. He may have had to fight me if he kept on with those advances. But truthfully, it took absolutely nothing to gain my attention, companionship, or presence.
In a way, aren’t we all a little too accessible? Has accessibility become the norm? With social media we are all one degree separated from anyone else in the world. Even celebrities, politicians, your favorite pastors are just a DM away. Let alone a lover or potential lover or that person who wants to be your lover whom you’d never envision for your future. If not the DM’s, then your email address, instant messenger, WhatsApp, any swipe modeled dating app, text messaging, and for those you’ve blocked there’s the phone number changing apps. You’ll answer the phone and hear that familiar voice and be like what in the entire f***!
Accessibility, sis, is the curse of the Age in which we live, and the blessing of the opportunity to make connections. If we aren’t in a position to work solely for ourselves with a virtual office and no need for human interaction, to be accessible is inevitable. Rather that’s shooting a self tape with a fellow actor who can’t understand the word no, networking for your career, or simply being a text message or DM away from your current or future ex. We now have the choice to take offense or ownership, or both.