There comes a point in every relationship where we lose ourselves. In the beginning, we may lose ourselves to him, as it ends we may lose ourselves in trying to keep the relationship alive, and as we are single we may lose what we thought to be ourselves to find a new and improved definition of self. At any rate, losing seems to always come before winning.
Not one of us is an undefeated champ.
As an athlete, I was raised in constant competition. I competed with my opponents, with my siblings to some degree, and with myself. My father made me practice the same move over and over and over again until I was able to do it at least ten times in a row without defect. This rule applied to dance, basketball, soccer, cheerleading, baseball, color guard, roaring, golf, and so on. No matter the sport, the goal for practice was the same: mastery. Subconsciously, this mode of operation permeated every aspect of my life from school to business, and relationships.
The great thing is that with a sport, mastery is actually possible. You can be the GOAT. So it made complete sense to jump from one relationship to another practicing the skill of relations over and over again until it finally worked, right? Obviously, as I write the “Single Ladies Vocab,” it hasn’t worked. Hopping from one relationship to another merely led to one failure after another, and a collection of other people’s baggage that I’ve carried around as my own.
Disclaimer: I wasn’t the type who needed a relationship without taking a breath to bask in singleness.
I was however the type to have a list of must-haves and finally find someone who meets those rare traits and think “hmmm he’s intriguing, let’s give him a shot.” Those were the ones that typically ended in overtime because I was trying to let him catch up. Of course, no one is perfect, but if he’s meeting all of your non- negotiables except one small one (for example: he needs to be a believer) then he’s still not the one sis. By the time I caught on to what my subconscious mind was manifesting, I was single again, heartbroken again, and trying to restrategize so I could take another shot with either the same or a new potential Mr. Right.
Quite honestly, I’m not trying to make 10 perfect shots in a row. All I need is one decent nothing but net or a bank shot. Shoot, it could even circle the rim as long as it goes in. By the way, I’m not judging anyone who’s taken 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 or so shots. The goal is to make the shot you take. If you find yourself missing over and over again, why not just focus on you boo. Enjoy yourself, learn from the game, and don’t invite everyone on your team if they don’t compliment your skills. It might not even be you or them, the rim might be bent. Regardless, if you’re still alive today, you haven’t lost.